Stages
by Cheridel
Summary: The stages of Buffy and Spike's relationship from Once More, with Feeling to Smashed. Complete
1. Once More, with Feeling l Desire

**Title:** Stages  
**Chapter 1:** Once More, with Feeling - Desire  
**Author:** Cheridel  
**Rating:** R  
**This Part:** PG-13  
**Feedback:** Yes!  
**E-mail:** **Website:** http/cheridel. **Spoilers:** Once More, with Feeling  
**Distribution:** Ask me first, please.  
**Disclaimer:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by WB, UPN, and Fox. Or one of the three.  
**Summary:** The stages of Buffy and Spike's relationship from Once More, with Feeling to Smashed.  
**A/N:** All chapters are from Buffy's POV and the quote at the beginning of each chapter has to do with the theme of the chapter.

"Desire, like the atom, is explosive with creative force."

-Paul Vernon Buser

"I touch the fire and it freezes me."

"I died…"

"I look into it and it's black"

"So many years ago."

"This isn't real"

"But you can make me"

"But I just want to feel"

"Feel"

Spike's lips meet mine in a passionate kiss that is anything but gentle. We both battle for dominance, not willing to let the other get the upper hand. Hot, wet, and wild is the only way I can describe this carnal lip lock we are sharing. He smells of whiskey, cigarettes, and leather, a totally masculine musk and I want to devour him until they is nothing left.

Oh my god, what the hell am I saying? This is Spike, remember? He's an evil, bloodsucking fiend.

That's all it takes to break the spell and I pull back from the kiss. There is a surprised expression on his face, almost cute in a way, but his eyes are dark with a desire and longing that is older than mankind itself. God help me because I want to screw him right here, in this alley, behind the Bronze.

Spike, remember? Evil!

"Don't touch me like that ever again," I say coldly before turning around and walking away.

With each step I take, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach because I know I have bruised his already battered heart.

I curse my calling as a Slayer because to deny the desire I have for this vampire, especially a desire that so threatened to consume me is heartbreak in and of itself.


	2. Tabula Rasa l Rebellion

**Title:** Stages  
**Chapter 2:** Tabula Rasa - Rebellion  
**Author:** Cheridel  
**Rating:** R  
**This Part:** PG-13  
**Feedback:** Yes!  
**E-mail:** **Website:** http/cheridel. **Spoilers:** Tabula Rasa  
**Distribution:** Ask me first, please.  
**Disclaimer:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by WB, UPN, and Fox. Or one of the three.  
**Summary:** The stages of Buffy and Spike's relationship from Once More, with Feeling to Smashed.  
**A/N:** All chapters are from Buffy's POV and the quote at the beginning of each chapter has to do with the theme of the chapter.

"A little rebellion now and then is a good thing."

-Thomas Jefferson

I still can't believe Giles left for England. He knows I need him. I need someone to help me sort out my mess of a life. I know my friends aren't going to help me. Hell, they're the ones who brought me back here. And Dawn… she needs me to take care of her. And Spike…

Almost like magic, he appears in front of me. He looks worried or at the very least, concerned. I so don't want to deal with him right now, so I do the only thing I can think of… I turn my back to him. A moment later, I hear him walk off.

Oh great, Buffy, treat like dirt the one person who really understands what you're going through.

Wait… no, not a person, evil monster! Why do I keep forgetting that? I mean, what would Giles say if he knew that I kissed Spike and enjoyed it?

But Giles isn't even here. He left because he thought it was "for the best." I almost laugh at the thought.

Anyway, since Giles, isn't here, and my friends aren't here, who's going to find out that Spike and I kissed? No one.

Besides, I really need to feel something other than this numbing pain all the time.

I decide to be bold and break the rules by going after Spike. In the words of Willow, "I'm a rebel."

I get up and frantically look for him. Luckily, he hasn't left the Bronze yet. Probably waiting for me to come after him.

"What is it, Slayer?" he asks impatiently, like he's got other places to be.

"Spike," I say, "come dance with me." He looks surprised as I lead him to a secluded part of the Bronze, beneath the staircase.

Immediately, I crush my mouth to his. I kiss him desperately and he responds with equal hunger. This kiss is just as passionate and hard as the one we shared at the end of the singing charade. And oh god, it was so good, just like this is. My fingers began to clutch at the sleeves of his leather duster as I sank deeper into the abyss.

And in the back of my mind, I was silently praying that this wasn't just a dream.


	3. Smashed l Passion

**Title:** Stages  
**Chapter 3:** Smashed - Passion  
**Author:** Cheridel  
**Rating:** R  
**This Part:** R  
**Feedback:** Yes!  
**E-mail:** **Website:** http/cheridel. **Spoilers:** Smashed  
**Distribution:** Ask me first, please.  
**Disclaimer:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by WB, UPN, and Fox. Or one of the three.  
**Summary:** The stages of Buffy and Spike's relationship from Once More, with Feeling to Smashed.  
**A/N:** All chapters are from Buffy's POV and the quote at the beginning of each chapter has to do with the theme of the chapter.

"Act nothing in furious passion. It's putting to sea in a storm."

-Thomas Fuller

I look at him oddly. "Get out of my way."

"Or what?" He replies, like he's daring me to do something.

Well, I aim to please. I punch him in the face.

He pauses for a second and then punches me.

"Oh, the pain! The pain… is gone."

Spike just hit me… he can hit me. He can hit me without pain!

"Guess what I just found out," he says gravely. "Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart."

"How?" I ask. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Don't you get it? Don't you see? You came back wrong."

Then, I punch him, again, again and again. He is chuckling all the while. Somehow he blocks a blow from me and knocks me into a fence.

"It's a trick. You did something to the chip, it's a trick."

"It's no trick. It's not me, it's you. Just you, in fact, that's the funny part." He punches me in the face. "'Cause you're the one that's changed." He punches me again. "That's why this doesn't hurt me."

"Came back a little less human than you were." It's not true! Asshole!

I shake my head. "You're wrong," I say and kick him.

There's a bit more banter and fighting but I'm more interested in kicking his bony white butt back to England.

Finally, we crash through the door of an abandoned building, where we spend more time punching, kicking, and insulting each other.

We are both so mad. Me, because he told me I came back wrong and acted all giddy about it. For him, I'll take a wild guess and say it is because I called him an evil disgusting thing. Maybe he thought he would be in good company except a: I'm not a demon and b: I don't want him!

Anyway, the passionate anger that is driving us to fight… suddenly turns to lust as I kiss him hungrily. The kiss is so deep, it made me moan. I put my fist through the wall trying to wrap my arms around Spike's neck to pull him closer.

Eventually, Spike's back ends up against the wall and my legs, around his waist. I quickly unzip his pants and lift up my skirt, thrusting my body onto his.

He looks at me with wide, surprised eyes that are full of love and desire. As much as I want that expression on his face to last forever, I have to move. I begin to rock my hips up and down and holy shit, he's huge, oh jeez, fuck…

He turns us around so that my back is against the wall and I grab onto the side of it to steady myself as he starts to drive into me at full force.

Pretty soon, we are both panting and shaking and as I lean forward to put my arms around his neck, he falls backwards, taking me with him and we fall through the floor onto the bottom level of the house.

We both lay there breathing harshly, staring at each other in wonder.

Wow!

The rest of the night is all a blur of passion, ecstasy, pain, pleasure, hunger, and need.

And yes, at times, there was even love. Love that I would have to deny existed in the morning.


End file.
